Breaking through

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Have you experience a broken heart? Aww, when the hurt is unending, and you just sleep with tears in your eyes. It has been almost  a year since it happened. But I will not trade the experience of growth, stability, inner maturity of that  "one sided love."

   For sure, many will get curious and ask me, who? but it is not about the who? rather the product of what you become out of that circumstance, getting over and moving on. Many people try to hide the hurts they had with the past, my point is not remembering them and cherishing them either rather triumphantly overcoming them and making them as "strengths." Though at the start it will not be easy as words are good to be true, but  at the process of it you will realize the purpose why God allowed that to be in your life.

   As I glean in my bookshelf, I had this kept journal: "Seasons of Love, in the Oasis of waiting  ( revealing some parcel of it, only now :D) I found this journal entry:

August 28, 2011Journal: "Seasons of Love, in the Oasis of Waiting"Journal title: "Never been so painful, A one sided love"

...and now Lord I am facing this with you..

you know everything, you know the reality, my heart...

my need, my vulnerability. I cant answer everything this time, though I have queries why you have allowed this all, yet all I can do is lift my hands to you, in quiet submission and yielding.

August 01, 2012
Journal: "Seasons of Love, in the Oasis of Waiting"
Journal title: Another chapter: On Waiting

I cant go on like this, I will be miserable.

Lord, I need to surrender him to you, moment by moment in the realm  of... "prayers"

November 19, 2012
Journal: "Seasons of Love, in the Oasis of Waiting"
Journal title: Trust

Stop jumping to conclusions

Trust the Father, wait on Him

and expect the best, all He ever wanted is what's best for you.

 If only I can evade and leave this portion of my story and just write the other pages, but that would be hypocrisy. This season might be one of those dark days, but it happened to me and it was true and real. (Maybe one of the reasons why, it kept for  a time to update again, for revealing it would be unbearable for that moment, but thanking God for the honesty to say, I have overcome it by His love). Thanking God that He does not answer our silly, selfish prayers but rather acting on who He is, and what is best for us though at that time it does not make sense at all. We want the things that we thought we need, but it is not what God sees, it is not God's plan. Thanking God for the precious gems I had with that one sided love. :)

 

Rekindle love by passion

       I remember during my college days, my youth leader always tells  me that "Passion" is always the fuel that ignites you. It keeps you going, it motivates you and inspires you. He asked me a straight question, how about you what keeps you going? What is your passion? At that moment, I was not able to answer him, only silence. 

       Now, looking back I can say that one of my undying passion is writing  back in  my elementary days and until now. It has been an escape to the present world, a friend when no one listens and a place of refuge. But there were also days it caused discouragements and failure.

"Write, to write your soul not just any story

         Write, to express your mind, not to impress another

         Write to reveal your heart, not just to catch attention

         Write as if there is no other way out...

    I was personally reminded by a situation that I love writing, and it is still a part of me. It has been a long time since I updated this blog, and there so many things, thoughts and realizations that I have not penned down. Breaking 2013, experiencing it and now coming to the point of its end. Hopefully, not the end to share what 2013 has been to me.